There are steps to writing successfully, or so I'm told, that a writer must take to become...successful. (Again, this is all hearsay.) I've decided to talk about some of those steps in an attempt to actually follow through on them.
Step 1: Writing Schedule!
I don't know why I put an exclamation point after the word "schedule." What does this word mean? Schedule. Schedule. Frankly, I have no idea. I think the basic plan is to set up times to do things, ahead of time--occasionally as far in advance as the night before. (I'm getting this information from a very brief internet search that ended in me looking up--unsuccessfully--the latin word for schedule.) The problem I see with a "writing schedule," comes from it's inherent need for the scheduler to have a basic understanding of the concept of "time." Something I lost about two hours (I think.) after my last college course.
Step 2: Sticking to said Writing Schedule.
Covered that above. I'll just go ahead and say something artsy: I write when the mood strikes! When I feel the burning need to have my words be read. (Strictly speaking, this isn't true. I just felt that a number like "2" deserved more than a sentence that said "read above.")
Step 3: Find a Place to Write.
Ew, problem. So here's the thing...everywhere I go to write, there always seem to be things. Things that need to be done. Coffee, books, comics, people to talk to. This drags out what should take an hour into an all day affair. The actual act of writing a column only takes so long, once an idea has finally osmosis-ed it's way into my brain, it's the build up that takes the time.
The only real important thing about finding a place to write is this:
If you are a successful writer you probably have your own place to write. An office, a study, a cafe that only you show up to on Tuesdays. You have this place because you have made it, you are getting paid to write, we get it, and we all hate you. For the purposes of this article, you don't exist.
Now for the rest of us, let's call us dreamers. Writing needs to be very, very public. Find a place to write where people can see you writing. Mind you, you don't have to be writing at this point. It's only important that you click your keyboard a lot, jot down notes consistently, and lock gazes with people while mouthing the words "I'm a writer."
This should go one of two ways. Either everyone will hate you and you'll get a real job...or eventually you'll hate yourself, and go back to step one and figure out what the Hell a "schedule" is.
Step 4: Pick a Project, and Stick to It.
Wow, whoever came up with this idea has my number. I have too many ideas to write just one. Sure we could get into my underlying fear of success. (I tell myself it's a fear of success, but we all know the truth. It's a fear of brownies.) Focusing on one project is almost always the best way to go. But make sure you don't get burnt out on one project before it's finished. If this happens, start about 17 other ideas, lose focus on the original, and get back to it in two years, once you've lost a few jobs, had your heart broken a few times, and watched the only thing that mattered to you, wither and die. (Why don't they sell bulbs for LCD TV's? Is it just a screw in kind of thing, or is it actually rocket science?)
Step 5: Let's just lump this all into one big...lump. Editing, Publishing, Marketing...
Well, this seems a lot like work. And I don't like it. They should pay someone else to do this for writers...maybe I'm on to something here. Maybe I'll call it a publishing company.
But, in all honesty, one would be surprised about how much of the legwork writers have to do. At least beginning writers. Self marketing seems to be the way to work. Just ask Soulja Boy and his horrible, horrible youtube empire. (Not to mention spelling of the word "Soldier." I think I would have gone all out. Soulja Boi. Why not?)
I'm going to throw credit to my friend Chris for this one. He got me all riled up when he said, "I'm at Starbucks, writing. Like a real writer." And that's when I realized it...
I wasn't at Starbucks. Where had I gone wrong?
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