I'm trying to decide what I should let my kid watch on television. She's young enough to where really I could watch what I want and just hope she picks up some words, but old enough to where she's begun to count and I didn't teach her that outside of threatening her to come here right this instant or else.
Since she has become well practiced at ignoring me and any form of leadership I try to present, it's safe to say she's getting her "1, 2 and 3" from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, not Daddy's meaningless threats. That has to be a good thing, right?
Right?
Why it's probably Not:
Let's talk about Pluto, Mickey's lovable yellow canine companion. But before we talk about Pluto and his antics, let's point out the obvious:
Mickey and Minnie are mice.
Donald and Daisy are ducks.
Goofy is a dog.
Who is dating a cow, Clarabelle.
Pete is a cat.
They all talk. They all wear clothes. They all have homes and they seem to have various interests and jobs they perform or pursue. They are basically humans, just as animals. In art this is called, anthropomorphism. To Disney this is called profit.
This is super cool and all except that they all own pets. You know? Other animals.
Pluto is basically some kind of weird slave companion to Mickey.
I'm willing to let this go because I didn't notice it until I began to watch a show for children as an adult. Honestly, modern day facebook probably has me too 'woke' to such things to be healthy anyway.
But then...
Mickey Mouse Roadster Racer's come along.
Now let's immediately toss out the wacky world of cartoons. You can ignore the fact that Pluto can drive but can't talk (when needed) or that car accidents rearrange cars into comical, yet functional, versions of the same car. No one dies in these races, which might set a bad precedent for your child when they come of age and get behind the wheel, but it's a safe bet that the driver's test won't have loop-de-loops and shower-powered vehicles. I think your kid will survive.
But let's get down to brass tacks. Money. No one ever uses money. In fact, the "Happy Helpers" is a clearly defined business where two unprepared, inexperienced young women go do random jobs they are wholly unsuited for...and somehow always succeed!
And then never get paid!
I'm not sure I want to set a precedent for that. Value yourself, girl! You do the work, you collect the bill.
Lastly, Puppy Dog Pals. This is a world where dogs take themselves to the dog park, go to Egypt in the morning because their owner said something that hinted at the Pyramids, go to France to find some bread, etc. So I think we can go on a limb.
But then there's A.R.F. Now this is an robotic dog who can clean the house in a variety of ways, so long as the dogs make the mess, he can fix actual holes in the wall. He runs on some kind of black hole technology, this thing can clean up literally any mess, with no downtime, and never has to dispose of the waste afterwords.
Where A.R.F. becomes a problem is in language. Bob, the owner of the pug puppies, invented, built and programmed A.R.F. Bob does not know how to speak "dog." He speaks English. The show makes this clear when we see the dogs talking to him in "dog" which we, the audience, hear in English, but when it cuts back to Bob he just hears them barking. Meanwhile, A.R.F. can talk to the dogs just fine.
So how did Bob program "dog." It would be pretty easy for an English speaking programmer to program Spanish or French, there are already programs in those languages, not to mention massive dictionaries, etc. But the same can't be said for "dog."
A.R.F. can learn.
This is how you get Skynet people. Wait, does Disney own the Terminator series now?
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