Halloween is here! Boo and stuff.
It used to be that this time of year, I'd work a shift at whatever company I was currently with, and then feel obligated to go to someone's party, probably a co-worker, in a shoddy costume that I made by cobbling together things I found at a local thrift shop. I didn't even actually go to more than one thrift shop. If the shop I went to couldn't put together a costume then I put on some dancing shoes and a fedora and I was a 1920's era gangster. Again. Over the years it created a lot of interesting conversations with people who frequented the same parties.
"What was your costume last year, Dave?"
"Oh, I was 1920's Era Gangster, Tommy Ten-Fingers, called such because of his relatively normal appearance and physical make-up."
"Why did you dress up in the same costume this year?"
"I didn't! As you can clearly see by my beard and growing belly, I'm now portraying Tommy's cousin, Fat Freddy the Beard. I'm really into gangsters."
This conversation normally ended with me walking away and getting more beer and just waiting for the part of the night where people stopped looking at costumes and became more concerned with who had next on Beer Pong.
Being married has made things a lot simpler. See, I really, really enjoy parties-but now I don't have to go, like ever. Amazing!
See, parties... they're a lot of fun. But parties are really only about looking at sexy girls and sexy girls wearing less clothes than appropriate and being looked at. It's a lot like any University gym or an L.A. Fitness. Now, there are some guys out there who meet a girl at a party and can take her home that night. There are some girls who want that. But for most girls and most guys it's just a Meat Market. You see what you like, maybe throw a few words their way and see if they bite and then you play Beer Pong. If you're an excellent Beer Ponger, like myself or former colleague Boomy, this may actually seal the deal!
However, being married has severely limited my party options, and I don't know if I'm complaining. We went to a pumpkin carving party at one of my friends homes. He has 5 sons so we actually carved pumpkins. We're going to my mother's tonight. There will be free food and grandparents.
But I don't have to dress up, I won't be hung-over tomorrow and I won't be pining over some sexy girl because she's already in my bed-I liked it, I put a ring on it. Battle fought. Battle won.
So, while I hope you all enjoy your Halloween parties and costumes, I'm happy to retire the fedora and dancing shoes for at least one more year.
And this October the 31st I'll be enjoying a beer, without the added pong, which, is a little sad, really.
