A Revised Letter for my hopes of Eventual Graduate School Acceptance

Dear Head of the Journalism Department,

My name is David Start and I want to be a humorist. Seeing as you offer no courses and or degrees in this subject, I would very much like to get into your school's prestigious Journalism program so I can sit next to a more academically ambitious student and give his or her project a running commentary and wrap up any and all assignments with in-depth, witty, yet practical analysis, while also doggedly trying to make all of my prospective Professors chuckle and or kick me out of his or her class due to my charmingly amusing antics.

Please accept me into your school. I promise I will only waste twenty to twenty-two hours of every day on frivolous ideas and awkwardly timed jokes. (I won't even post all of these on the internet, because that is perilously close to actually doing work, and I'll have none of that, thank you.)

If you don't accept me, could you please send this letter, my resume and my transcripts over to the Head of the Political Science department? If I can't learn to get paid for writing down my humorous take on the World, I'd really love to get paid sit around and talk shit about politicians all day. (That's called a Political Correspondent or Analyst, I believe, the Daily Show told me so.)

Thank you for your time,
Sincerely,
With love in my heart and laughter on my tongue,
Under the warmth of the sun and from the meticulously fanned light of your intellectual flame,
From Russia with Love,
David Start

P.S. Enclosed in this letter are a whoopee cushion and a webcam. You know what to do.

P.P.S. If you are possibly a Dean and or Head of Department, even a Professor of a school I may or may not attend, I absolutely do not feel this way about obtaining a higher education.

P.P.P.S. Unless you feel that way, then I totally do.