Batman Makes it Better

I've been thinking about this really hard. I've gone over the facts. Hell, I've checked them twice. I even psychically looked in on all the leading literary minds, and they too, subconsciously agree: No story wouldn't be better with Batman.

I came to this realization in the middle of a Star Wars comic I was reading while aggressively sucking down a frozen cappuccino (thank you for the plug Books-A-Million? No thank you for the coffee.) I was watching (reading, what do you call reading a graphic novel these days?) Cade Skywalker (Luke's grandson? Great Grandson?) open a can of jaded-Jedi whoopass when it struck me that, if instead of his predictably blue friend fighting alongside him, Batman filled the role of "ass-kicking teammate," that this book would be at least 163% better. Scientifically speaking, of course.

Epic space battle? Yeah, he has a jet for that.

Hard core action mystery thriller? His cape is made of shadow.

The Great Gatsby? Come on, Bruce could get him all the invites he needed. Why didn't Nick look him up?

Romantic Comedy? Relieve some tension with a mugging and subsequent Batman throwdown. Add Batgirl and or Batwoman to relieve the tension that would inevitably follow when the lead female role falls irrevocably in love with the Caped Crusader (who for some horrible reason, no longer wants to be called that. Bad decisions.)

Documentary Film? Finally. A narrator you can trust. Batman not only doesn't kill, he doesn't lie. And homeboy has gadgets, he'll get to the bottom of whatever it is we're interested in. Want to know if Bigfoot exists? Well, if he does, Bats has him on speed dial. He probably bought him the damn phone.

The real problem is making sure that the Batman insert isn't too grandiose. Half the great novels would never have happened it Batman was around. The Kite Runner would have actually been about running kites and Caesar would have missed his last words.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be a challenge, just that it needs to be done.

Tell me Alderaan gets destroyed if Batman lived in that Galaxy?

No. Hell no. Batman knew Palpatine was going to do his Sith thing before he did. Sorry Anakin, you're still a Jedi in my world.

The point of this post is that I'm a huge Batman fan. And recently read the 'Return of Bruce Wayne." Loosely titled so because Bruce Wayne is Batman, and has returned. Through time.

If you're thinking about asking me, "Hey, Dave, do we get to see Batman as a pirate?"

The answer is yes, yes we do.