Analysis Paralysis

I am afflicted by an odd mental disorder that my father has termed "analysis paralysis." Basically, it's what happens when you can't make decisions because you have too many ideas in your head. It's not quite as bad as being really, really stupid, but oddly, far more annoying to anyone in the vicinity when the person in question (i.e. me) is ordering food, deciding how much money to take out of the bank, deciding what graduate program he wants to go to (oh God, oh God, what am I going to do?), discussing anything (you specifically want to avoid conversations about women) or having a slow moment filled with "deep" thoughts.

Because...we've been here for like two hours...


This has been my personal demon since I was a small child and spent the better part of many an evening frozen, staring at an over-sized box of crayons, unable to decide which shade of green to color the grass in with. (Thankfully Boise State wasn't playing those nights or we would have run into a whole other host of problems.)

As of late the problem has risen up specifically with my previously mentioned "graduate education" issue. It's a multifaceted problem that I have attacked with a relentless apathy. First, I have to decide what I actually want to get a graduate degree in (this results in me muttering "do not want" over and over and eventually retreating to my room teary-eyed and pouting), where I want to attend or where I can even afford to attend in the first place. This, of course, completely leaving out the all too likely fact that I might not get accepted to my first school of choice (or, to be a realist, I might not get accepted to any of my choices.) Intellectually, I know this to be the case, but I still get caught up in reading fifteen different programs a day, calling the schools, and then going through a self-destructiveness and self-confidence building that shouldn't go hand and hand but do. "You can't get in here...Why not call them? They don't want you there...But, you could do so well there..."

It's not only vicious, it's time consuming.

My father is of the opinion that (I'm an idiot and) I should just apply for anything I feel like, anywhere I want, because it's just the paper (and proof that you went and did what the school told you to go and do,) not the degree itself, that matters. I'm actually afraid of him being right. I feel like if I spend fifty thousand dollars on something, not to mention time, that the education itself should matter too. If everything is going to end up just being "on the job" training, then why do so many possible employers turn down people for their "lack of work experience?" Because said people don't have shiny Graduate Degrees hung on their walls, I suppose. I've taken the test (and may have to take the horrible thing again) and decided to move forward with applying and getting reference letters, so we're now officially beyond the point of whining and complaining (it's just so hard.)

On top of that relatively depressing indecisiveness, I've also been unable to decide what to write about for, this, my humble blog column thing. I've spent most of the New Year staring at my computer screen and vainly begging some higher power to give me direction and possibly entrance into a school of their choice--that or a winning lottery ticket.

Of course, that could just end up being more of the same.

One thing you may have noticed, in reading this here blog/column is that I've added comics. I'm going to try to keep this up from post to post as it didn't take me much longer than an hour to do, and I'm notoriously slow (meaning it might get faster!)

It's been a fun year, and I'm hoping this next one is as good. Thank you to everyone who has read my work, and continues to do so. I appreciate it.

-D