A Debate about Gravity

My friend Michael is what one could call a "science enthusiast." One could actually say "science zealot" and not be too far off. But he occasionally finds me gems (and or fodder for my blog.) Like this one:

If you don't want to read it, I'll go ahead and explain it. A teachers assistant at the University of Wisconsin (for a Philosophy class, so let's not give him too hard of a time) was explaining Descartes to his students when he came up with a metaphor (incorrectly) using the moon, and of course (being a philosopher) a pen. (A writer would surely have used a Kindle, and hoped to see it float away, never to be thought of again, or, if he were Dave Barry, he would have used a toilet in his metaphor.)

The metaphor went as follows: "A pen always falls when you drop it on Earth, but it would just float away if you let go of it on the Moon." The point of his simile was to show the class that things don't always happen the way we think they will. He should have launched into a rant about women and how this one time, he bought his girlfriend a beautiful gold necklace with a diamond heart in the center. And instead of thanking him she ran into her room and cried for two hours because the necklace reminded her of a heart her best friend in middle school drew for her right before she moved away never to be seen or heard from again and she still hasn't quite gotten over the trauma of the whole ordeal, but really baby, she said later, it was a thoughtful gift, and she never wore it and left him three months later, and the damn thing cost over two hundred dollars. (You see, sometimes things don't end up how you think they will class!) Instead, he told the students (essentially) that gravity doesn't exist on the moon.

The man who wrote this article, who went unnamed (he's a professor of physics now, so go him), raised his hand (and dropped his jaw) to question the TA. You see, due to the fact that the moon is, in fact, a rather large celestial body, it does have gravity. Actually, if you were to make a chart of it, the moon's gravity would come up somewhere between the seriousness a situation FOX news wants you to believe something is, and how serious the situation actually is.

When the TA was challenged with the question: "then why didn't the astronauts float away?" He replied, apparently with confidence, "Because they wore heavy boots." Oh of course, heavy boots.

A fun fact for any of you who haven't ever opened a 7th grade science book: In zero gravity, which this TA believes the moon to be in (based on his earlier pen assumption), weight not only doesn't matter, it doesn't exist. Strictly speaking it's only mass--remember that time in any space-set movie ever when the guy/girl in the space suit pushes the insanely heavy object away from his/her space craft with his/her broken pinky finger? By that logic (closer to factual), wearing heavy boots would only make it harder for the astronaut to board the spaceship in the first place.

The really inane part about all of this is that the professor (the one who wrote the article, not the Physics uninitiated Philosophy TA) later created a test involving that exact question (why didn't the astronauts on the moon land away--worse, it was multiple choice.) I won't go into the details (you can read the link), but suffice it to say, a higher number than expected failed (and a percentage even asked if material they hadn't studied for would be on the next test--because that was totally unfair.)

Now, you may be asking yourself: "Dave, why do you care? You're not a scientist and this isn't a "science blog." You're a humorist, or at best (or worst) a political satirist."

Well, questioning reader, the answer is simple: The people who answered this question wrong, well...they vote. And will continue to do so for the rest of my (and probably yours) life.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Yeah, now you're with me. Heavy boots indeed.

(I'd like to point out that I'm a super hypocrite. Not in regards to a basic understanding of gravity, but rather to the earlier comment about the Kindle. I so want one. It just seems easier. Downside? I'm pompous. I enjoy owning a library. A digital library doesn't impress literary women, no siree Bob.)