Cheesy Times at the Dave Effect

"Eat more cheese!" the man said to himself.
"No, wait..." he paused, looking in the mirror, "don't eat more cheese."
"Dude, it's just cheese."
"Stop talking to me like that! I can feel my arm hurting."
"That's just in your head!"
"Really?"
"No. It's probably you're heart. You eat entirely too much cheese..."
"But, but...you told me to.
"Of course I did. I work for the U.S.D.A and it's good for the economy."

This is a (possibly) real conversation had between a man (possibly) employed by the U.S.D.A. or Dairy Management (a government non-profit concerned with the growth of the dairy industry) and (possibly) himself.

I find the current out pouring of food advertisements interesting, and not just because I love to eat things that will eventually kill me, but also because they seem so similar. Almost as if Taco Bell, Dominoes, Burger King and all of their competitors were using the same recipe for success. Imagine my surprise when I found out they were: Dairy Management. The company that could be responsible for letting you get so much of your daily saturated fat (say 3/4 of your expected daily intake) so easily (say in one taco, or a few slices of pizza.)

Dairy Management has recently partnered with quite a few under performing companies, such as Dominoes, with the goal of improving the U.S. economy via the dairy market. And no one could argue that this has failed. In fact, it's so successful that it's starting to worry the U.S.D.A., the organization that commissioned the smaller Dairy Management group to begin operations on expanding the dairy industry in the first place.

Here's the problem as far as the U.S.D.A. sees it: Americans are getting fat. (I will use myself as a rather credible, if declining, example of this fact.)

Here's another problem as far as the U.S.D.A. sees it: Americans are getting poor. And still getting fat.

I guess at the point they realized this, the problem wasn't really theirs to solve anymore. In fact the difficulty probably lies in America's addiction to fast food, cafe beverages and various forms of sugary consumables, and the fact that a high percentage of these eats and treats are dairy doesn't mean that if dairy farmers and companies ceased producing absolutely anything unhealthy that American's would suddenly start eating better and jogging to work.

The problem isn't that we eat far too much cheese. This is not new information. We eat over three times as much cheese (and therefore saturated fats) now than we did in 1978. This didn't creep up on us or come out of left field. American kids were raised on the happy meal and this has had adverse effects (if you want to talk like a lawyer.) What I mean by that is kids are getting fat. Childhood obesity is never funny. Except in the Goonies. And Goldberg from the Mighty Ducks, or the catcher from the Sandlot, or...(what is wrong with us?)

The truly befuddling part of the whole enterprise is how the problem should be dealt with. Obviously the average American can not be allowed to decide for themselves, advertisement executives and medical professionals have seen to that, so the government has to step in somewhere. (Right? Vote on it. I'll be the guy at the polls, I'll be the bearded guy sitting alone.)

What is truly interesting is the double standard that the government has had to pursue. On the one hand, the government is responsible (or at least held responsible) for the economy. While at the same time, is also responsible (held) for the health and well being of its people.

In effect, we've forced the government to create an organization that pushes a product to help the economy, create something to sell, companies to sell it, etc., and watch the money finally begin flowing into the market again. While at the very same time, creating an organization (within the same branch: Agricultural in this case) that deals with the negative results of what they're pushing.

The U.S.D.A and Dairy Management's relationship is a lot like what would happen if drug dealers invested in rehab centers.