The 4th Wedding...

Or was it the wedding on the 4th? I'll get back to you once I've done that math. Either way, a congratulations is in order, to my cousin Kyle and his new wife Brittany. Not that they truly need to be congratulated on getting married, it's something people do, and more over, something they really want to do. Maybe his parent's should get the pat on the back? Or the grand parents even? Thank you for getting us to this point? Either way, like all weddings, this one caused a bit of drama, or maybe was just a point where the drama came to a head, but rather than air dirty laundry, I want to talk a little bit about weddings, and maybe marriage (see where me typing takes us?) for a minute.

I love the idea of being married. I want the wife, the kids. I've said this before. I'll say it again. I imagine when I'm married I'll talk about how I love being married. It's just what I want. But I also want to go about it in the right way. Forget the marriage itself. We've all seen the romantic comedies that tell us how marriage should work, how it inevitably doesn't work that way, and how you have to come up with your own solution which is unique to your situation. What I really want to get into first is the wedding.

First off. I won't follow my cousins path. The 4th of July is just not the time. I want to give him a swift kick in the shin. I missed fireworks. Fireworks! For what? The happiest day of his life? Guffaw. But realistically I can see how this will be a problem later for him. When he wants to do the Fourth real big, and wifey wants a high class dinner for the Anniversary. Or maybe he's just the cagiest guy I know. Beach wedding, on the 4th of July...cheapest anniversary ever, every year. "What do you want to do this year baby?" "Hot dogs and beer, on the beach, with some of our closest friends." "We do that every year." "It reminds me of when we got married...and how..." Etc. Etc. Etc. It's either a genius move that will play out very well for him, or a rookie mistake that he'll regret for the rest of his career. I'll have to ask him about it a few years from now.

As for me? I understand that the wedding has very little to do with the groom, and to follow that logic, mine will have very little to do with me. Sure, I might help pick flowers, or what's for dinner at the reception, but realistically I'm there to give her my vows, give her my ring, take hers in return, kiss her, and get to the honeymoon. She's the one whose actually looking forward to the day the most, and even on the off chance that the I'm looking forward to it as much as she is, her mothers and sisters and female friends are going to be way more excited about it than me and mine. I understand, and accept, my role as the "yes man, man." And I'm comfortable with it.

One rule. The reception needs to be a party, dammit. There was no dancing last night. No music. No drinking and raunchy words. Where was the gaggle of single, and prowling, women? Where were the clusters of buzzed men, ready to strike up a conversation, or fail at dancing? What's the point of a wedding reception without all that? Might as well just do the ceremony and a light dinner if that's the way you want it. Hell, my reception might have a dodge-ball game, a couple of pool tables, maybe an actual pool. I haven't decided. But if you're gonna' go ahead and have the most memorable day of your life, you might as well have a bad-ass party to accompany it.

At least the food was pretty good. And it's always a pleasure to see the family, for short periods of time...but for some reason wherever there's a bride and groom, family issues will inevitably follow. I think with my wedding there will be the Bridal Shower, the Bachelor Party, the Family Therapy Session, the Recital, the Ceremony and then the Reception Badassery. Throw in a therapist and try to make it through it.

I'm going to finish up with that. As a single man, I feel comfortable talking about weddings. But as an unmarried man, all I know about marriage is what I don't want to do, and what I dream of doing. I'm wholly unqualified to talk about it more than that.

-D